


How Many Miles I Still Love You

by SailMyShips



Series: Let's See How Far We've Come [3]
Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: 5 + 1, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Reddie, This is all, Ugh, a bit of angst, guys I spent 3 hours writing this, it's just, it's nearly 1am, well no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-21 15:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20695817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailMyShips/pseuds/SailMyShips
Summary: 5 times Richie realized Eddie made him feel some feelings he wasn't sure how to explain properly1 time he confessed





	1. 5 + 1: Richie's Edition

**Author's Note:**

  * For [trashedmouthtozier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashedmouthtozier/gifts).

> This is Richie's POV, Eddie's will be next.
> 
> Trigger Warning: mention of homophobic language, mention of Beverly's dad

**[ One / Age 5, Kindergarten ]**

When Stan tells Richie that he’s got a new friend he wants him to meet- Richie is immediately jealous.  _ He  _ is Stan’s number one, and only friend. Didn’t the curly haired nerd know that by now? Regardless of the endless unhappy thoughts filtering through his head, his mom and Stan’s mom set up a playdate with the others on a Saturday afternoon. That added to Richie’s bitterness, he and Stan were supposed to watch cartoons when Stan was finished with whatever it was he was supposed to do and study with his family.

Saturdays were  _ their  _ things. Now he had to share that? The doorbell barely brought him out of his funk, legs angrily kicking back against his couch. His mom walked by, ruffling his hair and opening the door.

A quick “Hi Mrs. Tozier!” was heard before Stan came barreling in, carrying a few comic books and what looked like a new coloring book. Richie visibly perked up. “Woah cool! Did your mom buy you those?”

Stan nodded, putting them down on the coffee table. “Yeah! Also! My friend- Bill- he’s gonna bring  _ his  _ best friend over too!”

That brought Richie’s mood back down, and he just let out a small, “Oh.”

Stan frowned. “Hey,” He sat next to Richie, “You okay?”

Richie shrugged. “Just- thought  _ we  _ were besties?”

“We  _ are!”  _ He could hear their moms talking in the doorway, their laughter distracting them before they came back to the conversation, “You’re my  _ bestest  _ best friend! Bill is just a friend! I think you’ll like him!”

Richie frowned. “Just cause I may  _ like  _ him doesn’t mean he can take you from me.”

“And he won’t!” Stan nodded, face set and determined, “Hey, we’re such bestest best friend that- that if! Hey! What if we got married when we’re older?”

“Boys can marry boys?”

Stan shrugged. “I don’t see why not? Besides! Daddy says marriage helps taxes.”

“...what are taxes?”

“I don’t know, but daddy doesn’t like them.”

“Boys!” Mrs. Tozier called in, and the two looked away to her, “Bill and Eddie are here!”

“Eddie?”

Stan nodded, grabbing Richie’s arm and dragging him off the couch. “Yeah! Eddie is Bill’s best friend!”

Richie nodded, and the two made their way to the door, standing next to Mrs. Tozier who had a small smile on her face. Mrs. Uris had gotten back to her car, and waved at Stan who waved very energetically back. Two new kids were stood before them, and so was a very large woman.

He couldn’t see one of the boys, but the other stood before them was holding a stack of paper. He was practically bouncing on his feet, smile on his face. His hair was light- like the color of Richie’s dads hair, and it was straight. Unlike Richie’s, who tugged on his curls lightly. He sometimes wanted straight hair, mom said it was easier to brush. Said boy grinned at the two.

“He-Hey! You’re Ri-Richie right?” Richie furrowed his brows at the way the boy spoke, and a small push from his mom meant he shouldn’t say anything, not yet at least, the push meant she’d tell him later.

So he brushed it off and grinned at the boy. “The bestest!”

“I’m Bill! A-And this is- “

“Edward Kaspbrak,” The large women had turned back, holding a backpack in her hands.

She practically shoved it into Mrs. Tozier’s hands, and Richie glared some. That was mean to do to his mom, she almost dropped it. “Eddie has severe asthma, so he has an inhaler in his fanny and a backup one in here. He also has several meds- some pain meds, allergy meds, different rubs that will help him breathe- if he gets winded you let him sit and don’t let these boys try and rough house him.”

Richie couldn’t understand half of the things she was talking about, instead turning to the second boy, who was peeking from behind his mom’s legs. He was shorter than the other three boys there, wearing a bright red shirt, and black pants, and a weird bag around his waist.

“What’s that?” Richie pointed to it.

“Huh?” The kid looked surprised and glanced down, “Oh, my fanny pack. ‘S how I carry medicine.”

“Medicine? Are you sick?”

“No, but mommy says I could get sick.”

His mom finally stopped talking, kissing her son’s cheeks very aggressively, leaving some lipstick on his face. “I will be calling for updates Mrs. Tozier, thank you.”

Eddie was rubbing at his face, looking up at Richie’s mom who was getting over the rant thrown her way. “Alright boys, c’mon, let’s come inside.”

Eddie and Bill walked in through the door, and Bill and Stan immediately started talking about some puzzle Bill just got. Richie felt left out, and turned to the other boy, Eddie. “Hi!”

Looking at him was weird. Weird. That’s how Richie knew how to explain it. He was short- shorter than Richie or the other boys in his class. He was even shorter than Stan! But his hair looked soft- like when his mom got her hair done for her and dad’s date nights, soft and nice. It made Eddie look almost...pretty.

Could boys be pretty? Mom had never called him pretty, only saying handsome and cute. Maybe Eddie was handsome? Or cute? Could he call him that? Stan said that they could get married when they were older so he supposes he could call Eddie cute.

Yeah Eddie was cute. Now that he thinks about that word he’d never called anyone cute before. Even when his mom and other moms at the playground teased him for thinking their daughters were cute and ‘flirting’ (he doesn’t even know what that means). He had never thought the girls at school were cute, but now he thought Eddie was?

This was weird. So Richie brushed it off in the only way he knew how, when Eddie turned to him after Richie said ‘hi’.

A grin, “You’re really short.”

“Hey!”

**[ Two / Age 7, First Grade ]**

The four boys had quickly become friends. Their first playdate turning into a weekly occasion, soon becoming a group during recess, and more importantly, on class field trips. This year their class was able to go to a local garden- they had gone to teach the importance of nature and the environment. But the group of 7 and 8 year olds were more interested in the large tree they were able to climb. 

The four boys had been rough housing at the base of the tree, before Eddie got tired, and sat down with his bag. He sat with it in his lap with a serious look on his face.

“You okay Eddie?” Stan was the first to ask, Bill moving to sit next to the shorter boy.

Richie decided to do cartwheels in front of the three, well, tried to. He kept falling on his butt, but it kept drawing the attention of the other three, especially Eddie who kept telling him to be careful.

“Can you guys keep a secret?”

“Is it a bad one?”

“Ma-Maybe?”

“I’m the best-  _ woah-  _ the best secret holder!” Richie gave up, finally deciding to sit on the ground in front of Eddie.

Eddie didn’t say anything before nodding. He unzipped his bag, pulling out an action figure. Not just  _ any  _ action figure, an Incredible Hulk action figure. Richie’s eyes widened behind his glasses, Stan’s mouth fell open and Bill looked shocked.

“Woah! Did your mommy get you that?”

“That’s the one from the toy store! On the top shelf Eddie!”

Richie reached out, poking its head some. “Woah it’s real!”

Eddie glared at him, “Yes it’s real! Mommy got it for me, I had to ask a  _ lot.  _ She said I could- could choke on the toy.”

Richie laughed. “You aren’t supposed to try and  _ eat  _ toys Eddie!”

“Wait,” Stan spoke, “Eddie we weren’t supposed to bring toys with us!”

Eddie put a finger to his lips, “I know! But- the bus ride is  _ long  _ and boring, and you all said you could keep a secret.”

Richie mimed zipping his lips, Bill shut his mouth and Stan nodded. “Ca-Can I play with it?”

Before Eddie could hand the toy to Bill another voice came up. “Ew, you’re playing with  _ dolls _ ?” 

The four looked over to see Sarah Franco, the new girl in class. She was standing like their moms when the boys did something wrong- hands on her hips and legs head up high. Eddie furrowed his eyebrows. “S not a  _ doll,  _ he’s an action figure. And- “

Sarah continued, “You’re a  _ boy  _ stupid! Boys don’t  _ play  _ with dolls!”

Eddie shut his mouth quickly, holding Hulk to his chest. 

“He-Hey, Hulk isn’t a do-doll. And boys can play with dolls if they wa-want.”

Sarah stuck her tongue out. “Shut up stutter boy!” She reached out quickly, taking Hulk from Eddie’s hands, “This toy is for  _ babies  _ then. Why  _ else  _ would you have it?!”

Eddie’s mouth had opened some, a sad look in his eyes. Stan was glaring at Sarah, fists clenched at his sides. Sarah was new to their town  _ and  _ their school, and she had been held back a year, so she was almost  _ ten  _ now. She was older  _ and  _ taller. 

She started twisting the arms of the toy, too rough. Richie was worried she’d break it. 

Eddie apparently had the same idea. “Hey! Be careful, please!”

She just laughed, twisting Hulk’s head around and around and around and around and- 

The head broke off. 

Bill and Stan gasped in horror as Sarah just threw the head down, tossing the toy back in Eddie’s lap. “Whoops.”

Richie stood up, ready to get in trouble for yelling at her, and maybe shoving her into the dirt. He opened his mouth when- 

“Bitch!”

That was enough to shock all of them. Eddie was still seated, glaring daggers at Sarah. Richie’s mouth was all the way open, while Bill looked like he was about to cry.

“What did you say?”  
“I- I said you’re a bitch!” Eddie stood up, picking up Hulk’s head, “You think it’s fun making fun of us? It’s not! You’re just a stupid girl who can’t even read or write good and had to do first grade again! You’re mad because we have friends and can have fun! And you probably play with dolls at home! What if I broke your Barbie?! My mommy says people like you are gonna die alone like my auntie! And mommy called her a bitch, so _you’re _a bitch!”

Sarah didn’t say anything else, before her eyes filled with tears and she ran off towards the teacher, crying softly. Richie turned to Eddie who was holding his now headless Hulk, a sad look on his face.

Richie’s chest felt tight, in a weird way. He had wanted to yell at Sarah for being mean to Eddie, no one was supposed to make him look as sad as he had. But Eddie had shocked them all and used a  _ grown up word  _ and made her cry. Eddie was  _ awesome!  _ That’s what it was- Richie’s heart was beating like it was when his mom got him a new Superman comic, because Superman was awesome, and Eddie stood up like him.

“Eds! That was  _ awesome!”  _ Richie was jumping now, “You made her cry! Did you see that?! You’re like  _ Superman  _ Eds! Superman! Super Eds!”

“You used a bad word.” Stan said quietly.

Eddie frowned, “But...I mean, she deserved it right?”

“Yeah she did! Eddie!” Richie put his hands on Eddie’s shoulders, making sure they held eye contact, the weird  _ ‘he’s just super awesome’  _ feeling not going away, “Do you know any more grown up words?!”

**[ Three / Age: 12, Sixth Grade ]**

Summer was over  _ far  _ too soon, and sixth grade was upon them. Middle school. They were almost  _ teenagers.  _ The four had classes within the same hall, but according to their schedule not the same room. Which  _ sucked.  _ But they still had lunch together, and were obviously going to walk to and from school together. Which was good because, as much as Richie didn’t want to admit it, he was scared that all would change.

First day of school stopped making Richie nervous in about fourth grade. He stopped caring really. Everyone had new clothes that they just got dirty, and they wore the same outfits after that anyway. So he decided to not make his mom buy him new clothes (opting for ice cream instead, which Mrs. Tozier agreed to, a nice day out between her, Richie, and Went, the two who had laughed as Richie almost cried from a brain freeze dramatically). Richie had on his old, worn down Queen shirt, one his dad had gotten him for a birthday. Over it was his favorite floral button down, unbuttoned, obviously. And on his face his glasses, the same ones since he could remember.

The same ones Eddie was  _ glaring  _ at.

Richie finally spoke, “Alright Eds, I know I’m attractive but quit your staring! It’s getting creepy!”

Eddie blanched. “I am not  _ staring  _ you asshole!”

“Pretty sure you are.” Rich grinned, slinging an arm around his shoulders and pulling him in, laughing as Eddie fought back.

“What’s got your panties in a twist?”

“ _ Nothing!”  _

Richie rolled his eyes, letting Eddie go. “ _ Suuure  _ Eds.”

“Don’t call me Eds.” Stan and Bill had become used to the twos bickering, tuning them out easily now.

Silence passed them, hearing the chattering of the two in front of them- who were excitedly talking about their new classes. Nerds. 

“Your glasses.”

Richie turned to look down at Eddie. “Sorry?”

Eddie just sighed, an angry sound. Next thing Richie knew- he couldn’t see. The way his vision went blurry he actually thought Eddie punched him. He wouldn’t be surprised, but with no pain he realized what had happened. Eddie had taken his glasses. Eddie fucking Kaspbrak had taken his God damn glasses.

That little twerp. 

Richie hated not having his glasses on. There was something about not being able to see properly that left him feeling...vulnerable. Everything was blurry and he  _ hated  _ it. He was going to snap at Eddie, a joke hiding the fear and anger before he stopped.

Eddie had stopped moving, standing in place, and was aggressively cleaning Richie’s glasses with his shirt. His completely clean, tidy shirt. Richie watched as Eddie did this, holding up the glasses ever so often to make sure they were clean, before he was satisfied.

Instead of handing them to Richie (he’d probably smudge them, or break them) he decided to put them back on Richie himself, tilting his head up to be able to see properly. Satisfied he stood properly, taking in the way Richie blinked a few times.

“There! Now you can actually  _ see  _ properly dipshit.” Richie didn’t respond, instead moving on autopilot as the two continued walking, speeding up to catch up to Bill and Stan.

“Y’know Bowers won’t allow these to stay clean long, right?” Richie asked quietly, hands shoved into his pockets. 

Eddie shrugged. “Then I’ll just have to keep cleaning them for you since apparently you can’t do it yourself.”

Richie normally hated people taking his glasses, or even touching them. Yet Eddie was gentle with them- even though his scrubbing seemed aggressive, Rich knew he wouldn’t scratch or break them. So the idea of Eddie just taking Rich’s glasses to clean them...didn’t completely unsettle Richie. It made him almost, happy? No not happy, he wasn’t sure what it made him feel. The weird feeling in his chest was back again. Eddie did something to him, has since they were kids. Richie’s pretty sure while Eddie’s mom was crazy and made Eds take all these meds he wasn’t sick, yet he must have  _ something,  _ like a cold. Something that made Richie’s chest feel weird and tight around Eddie.

That was it.

**[ Four / Summer of 1989, the Month where they didn’t hang out ]**

If you asked Richie if he missed his friends he’d say no. He had all the friends he needed in the arcade- they were named Steven (the guy behind the counter) and Street Fighter. The only two that never let him down. So if he found himself there everyday, playing aggressively and drinking way too many sodas to be healthy, instead of hanging out with his new group so be it.

_ (It also beat having to fight a psycho demon clown in the sewers but apparently he was the only one who thought that.) _

But some part of him felt empty, almost. As he got his third soda of the day some part in the back of his brain would scream ‘Drink some water Trashmouth!’

It would make him falter, and in more than one instance he would forgo the soda machine and buy a water bottle.  And if the voice in his head sounded like Eddie who was going to know?

His fingers always ended up sore from being cramped up, gripping knobs and hitting buttons for hours. This morning, he decided to take his time biking to the arcade. For once (it wasn’t once) he found himself not excited to be in the arcade. His heart nor head was in it, and he let his feet drag some as he rolled down a hill, mind wandering.

He wondered what the others were doing.

Ben was probably doing more nerdy research, listening to whatever band him and Bev kept referencing in their conversations. Yeah Richie caught on to that, he also caught on to Ben’s crush on her. God those two were oblivious.

Bev was probably going out and about, hanging in different parts of town to avoid going home. Richie doesn’t blame her really.

Mike was more than likely on his uncle’s (was it his uncle? Who knows) farm, killing sheep. Richie shuddered just thinking about it. Being homeschooled  _ and  _ working on a farm probably didn’t mean a fun summer for him.

Stan was probably studying for his Jewish “becoming a man” thing (yes Richie was going to the ceremony thing, his mom was making him, plus Stan was his oldest friend). Or doing some type of puzzle. How Richie became friends with such a nerd is beyond him.

Bill was probably sulking in his room, angry that his friends weren’t going to  _ die  _ for a demon clown that already did what he was going to do. I mean Eddie damn near  _ died  _ last time.

Speaking of Eddie, he was probably locked up in his room- on his moms stupid ‘health’ diets, pills being forced in every orphase of his. Poor Eddie.

Poor Eddie? Richie shook his head. No, no. Poor  _ Richie. _

Richie had to go almost a whole  _ month  _ without Eddie’s nagging. Hell he probably had some kidney stones from the amount of soft drinks and he without Eddie forcing him to drink water. Richie had managed to avoid Bowers pretty well this month, but the few times ended with Richie bruised and cut, and without Eddie there to patch him up like he normally did he had to settle on his mediocre medical skills.

Eddie and his stupid loud mouth that he used to put Richie in his place.

He can’t believe it- he misses Eddie. That thought caused Richie to hit the breaks on his bike, pulling over to the side of the road.

He missed Eddie?

No, no he didn’t. Well yes he did. But he missed the others, too. Right?

Of course he did. But it was...different with Eddie.

Sure he annoyed Stan a lot too, and he annoys everyone, really. But he had gone too long without teasing Eddie, watching the shorter boy get flustered with anger, hasn’t been kicked or hit lightly, hasn’t had to fight Eddie for ice cream or candy. The fact that was making Richie upset...meant something.

That something caused Richie to feel his heart quicken.

He realized something.

That realization made his stomach drop, made his palms get sweaty and made his knees feel like jell-o. But it made him grin, made his eyes tear up a bit, made his heart flutter.

It wasn’t...bad.

No, it wasn’t.

And if Richie found himself with a fast beating heart, teary eyes, a knife and a plan on the kissing bridge a few days later, no one would ever truly know.

**[ Five / Age: 16, Junior Year ]**

Prom was stupid, in Richie’s opinion. People spent so much money on an outfit they would wear  _ once,  _ girls spent hours on hair and makeup, boys were expected to wear cologne and wear a tie. Richie had made a promise, a dumb one, but after defeating Pennywise he had promised that if he lived past the collapsing house he would never go to a school dance.

In a moment of panic, that’s what his brain thought to say.

Yet here he was, in a rented tux as his mom took pictures, his dad standing by the door with a proud look on his face. 

“Mom.”

“Just a few more honey! You look so handsome!”

“Ma!”

Went chuckled, “Alright Maggie stop embarrassing the boy.”

Maggie swatted at his hands as he moved to take the camera, “Oh stop! I need pictures of the others! Are you and Eddie going to be matching like your eighth grade formal?”

Richie cleared his throat awkwardly. “Mom, I’m not going to prom with Eddie. A-And the gang, that is.”

Maggie deflated. “You’re not?”

“No, I’m taking Amber.”

“Amber?” His dad asked, “Amber Constella?”

He nodded, “She...well we’re  _ kind  _ of friends? And well,” He chuckled, “Let’s say she wanted her parents to pay more attention to her, so apparently going to prom with me was the best option. I think.”

Maggie lowered her camera, “I see, will she be here to meet you? Are you picking her up?”

Richie shook his head, “I’m meeting up with her at the dance. She and I aren’t  _ dating,  _ she just wanted to say she went to a dance with Trashmouth Tozier.”

Went grimaced at the nickname. “Alright well…”

Maggie nodded, “Well say hi to the others for me! And tell me how Bev looked! I’m sure she looks beautiful but I want to know!”

“You’re not going with her?”

Rich rolled his eyes, fiddling with his tie, “Told you, she and Ben finally confessed to each other. After  _ years  _ of awkward flirting. Hated it, glad that’s done with.”

Maggie rolled her eyes while Went smirked. “Yeah, not all over and one with.”

“What?” Instead of answering his dad started walking out, his mom going back to her study.

“Wait dad no, what?”

///

The dance was loud, and it felt stuffy. Maybe that was because he had a piece of cloth tied against his throat. That was probably it. Amber was a nice girl, they had biology together, they were lab partners who didn’t understand science and instead wanted to goof off with the equipment there. She also wasn’t actually into him, so he wasn’t forced to spend all his time with her. Which was good because if he didn’t get to tease Eddie on his multi colored tie at  _ least  _ fifteen times he would probably explode.

But now he and Amber were slow dancing. It wasn’t awkward per say, or bad. It wasn’t a memory he’d hold onto forever, but it wasn’t bad. They were currently making fun of their bio teacher, commenting on how shitty her teaching was and how  _ everyone  _ was going to fail.

It went quiet as the two swayed to the music, and Richie felt his mind continued to wander.

Looking around he saw Ben and Bev slow dancing, her head on his chest and he couldn’t help but grin. They were honestly really good for each other, a cute couple, if you will. Richie saw Bill, Mike, Stan, and Eddie all stood, talking to each other. Bill had been asked by some girl in their grade but he had declined, very politely. Richie knew that he had some type of feelings for Stan, and some for Mike. The next couple that needed work were those three.

Eyes moving to Eddie he felt himself bit his lip. Or maybe...He tore his eyes away, heart hammering in his chest.

No. Eddie didn’t like him that way. Still, a guy could dream. A guy could wish.

And right now, as nice as Amber was, he wishes it was Eddie’s hands on his shoulder, his hands on Eddie’s waist, the two of them dancing together to the stupid cheesy love song he  _ knew _ Eddie would crack jokes about. 

Some stupid joke, probably about heteronormativity, filled with bad puns and crude language. A joke that would make Richie laugh, and in turn cause Eddie to snort his stupid, cute laugh he did when he tried not to.

The song came to an end, and Amber kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks Richie, I’m probably gonna head home with the girls, I’ll tell my dad you were an absolute  _ gentleman,  _ which isn’t a lie, but that’ll piss him off more.”

Richie grinned. “Oh yeah, tell him how Richard Tozier swept you off of your feet and dipped you under the shitty school lights.”

She laughed, patting his shoulders as she stepped back. “I’ll see you in class Monday, it’s your turn to finish the homework by the way.”

He groaned, “Damn Constella, calling me out.”

She waved him off with a grin, going to join her friends at the edge of the gym. Richie decided to do the same, joining the other six. Bev and Ben must have made their way back over while him and Amber were talking.

“Sup fuckers,” Richie threw his arms around Bev and Bill’s shoulders, pulling them closer to him.

Bev swatted at his arm with a laugh, and Bill didn’t fight it, chuckling some.

Mike rolled his eyes. “Looks like you and Amber were getting close.”

Richie sighed, “Oh that? Yeah, all the ladies love Tozier.”

“All?” Bev snorted, “Find that hard to believe.”

Eddie let out a choked laugh, a bitter sound, arms crossed and head tilted away.

“You alright Eddie spaghetti?”

“Hmm?” He turned back, and Richie could see the shadows from the stupid decor dance across his face, and he swallowed. “Yeah. ‘M fine.”

Richie nodded, “You seem...flustered.”

“I’m  _ fine,  _ Rich.” He almost flinched, Rich, not Richie, Tozier, Trashmouth. Just Rich. Cold.

He couldn’t help but feel his mood dampen some, Eddie wasn’t in a good mood, that much was clear. He just wasn’t sure why. Maybe, did he?

No. If Richie had been alone he may have gasped. 

Eddie couldn’t have a crush…

Eddie was jealous.

Oh God, of all people for Richie to have had as a date to their junior prom he took his crush’s crush.

_ Fuck  _ Amber and her pretty face and good attitude. Eddie had a damn crush on her.

Ignoring the sinking feeling in his chest the group headed out, making good on their plan to go grab some unhealthy food together. All the while Richie couldn’t help but feel the close body heat of Eddie in a different way, a more bitter way.

Just Richie’s luck, right?

**[ + 1 / Age: 18, Senior Year ]**

Graduation was way too close. Richie wasn’t sure if he was ready. What the fuck was he going to be? A comedian? A writer? Yeah, fat chance.

The idea of figuring everything out was foreign, was terrifying. So to ignore it all, here they all were. The losers, all seven, seated on different equipment on a local playground, drinking beer and other cheap, shitty alcohol. 

None of them had drunk enough to be _ drunk  _ but God were they tipsy. Ben had all but fallen into Bev’s lap, playing with her hands. Stan was leaning against Mike, kicking Richie’s thigh ever so often. 

“Staniel why do you abuse me this way?”

Stan didn’t reply, merely making eye contact before kicking him again. Richie just pouted, flinging himself into an unsuspecting Eddie’s lap, who let out a startled yelp. “Edward Stannie’s bullying me!”

“Maybe he wouldn’t bully you if you didn’t give us all stupid nicknames.”

Richie shot up, hand clutching his chest. “I am! Wounded! Eddie Spaghetti! My nicknames are a  _ delight _ !”

Bev snorted, “Sure Richie. Sure.”

“No one appreciates me. I could find new friends.”

“You  _ could,”  _ Bill teased, “But you won’t.”

Richie laid back down, “Yeah, you’re right.”

Eddie had taken to running his fingers through Richie’s hair, and Richie relaxed into Eddie’s lap. It was nice, to just lay here with them all. Not a care in the world.

That was until a bright beam of light landed on them. “What are you kids doing out here?!”

They all shot up, deer in the headlights as they heard footsteps approaching. The light lowered and through the moonlight they could see one of the nightly patrol officers. “Shit.”

“Are you kids drinking?!”

Stan, the ever lovable dumbass he was, took the opportunity to grab one of the half filled drinks, splash it towards the officer before throwing it down, yelling out a “scatter!” before leaping off of the steps.

The others followed quickly, and without thinking Richie grabbed Eddie’s hand, pulling him along as the two blindly ran from where the yelling officer was, who tried grabbing onto  _ someone.  _ Richie can only hope he didn’t see their faces well enough to know who they were.

The two booked it, jumping over some trash and avoiding running into parked cars. They had run for about seven minutes before they stopped, feeling and hearing the familiar sound of bridge under foot. “You still got your light?”

Eddie responded by shining the light in Richie’s face. “Never come out here without it.”

“Guess your fanny packs good for  _ something.”  _

Ignoring Eddie’s protest and argument that his fanny pack was, in fact,  _ very  _ useful, Richie wandered down the bridge. They landed on the kissing bridge. Cause of course they did. The light didn’t travel too far, but it did enough to allow Richie to see what he was looking for.

Turning back to a still rambling Eddie he held a hand up, indicating Eddie needed to shut it. Part of his mind was telling him what he was about to do was a bad idea, but the majority of his brain was allowing the alcohol to take control. Therefore he wasn’t thinking properly.

“Do you...remember that month in summer,  _ that  _ summer, where none of us hung out?”

Eddie nodded, head tilting in confusion. “Course I do. It sucked.”

Richie let out a small laugh, “Yeah, yeah it did. That summer, that  _ month,  _ I uh, realized something. Uh I spent most of that month at the arcade, beat all my high scores and shit, probably got sick from the sodas.”

“I keep telling you you need to drink more water.”

“And well, one day I ended up playing against this guy. I don’t...I don’t remember his name, all I remember is seeing him and thinking that...he was cute. And of course, of fucking course he was Bower’s little cousin.” Richie shoved his hands in his pockets, “I just asked him if he wanted to play some more, I had more tokens so I offered for that round to be on me. Bowers and his fucking goons came in though, and his cousin started flipping shit. They started…” He choked up a bit, “Uh, called me a fairy, a uh, a faggot.”

“Richie…”

“I ran, like a fucking pussy man. I ran. And I, I ended up here. Cause, funny enough, a few days, weeks? Who knows. Anyway, before that I had  _ realized  _ something, something, that, well it’s why I ended up, well not  _ really _ why I ended up here, but it’s why I did what I did and- “

“Richie,” Eddie’s voice was soft, a smaller hand gripping his shoulder, a comforting notion, “Just...tell me?”

Richie nodded, his head a bit dizzy from the booze, but he turned. Jabbing his finger towards the crude carving, Eddie’s flashlight followed. 

R + E

“I uh, yeah.” He shrugged awkwardly, “I had... _ have  _ a crush on the dumbest guy. Well he’s not dumb, but he  _ is.  _ He’s so damn snarky and sarcastic, and a fucking hypocondriac. I- and he’s going to college next year, and won’t tell me where so I thought ‘hey tell him!’ because I never claimed to make smart decisions and- where are you going? I’m pouring out my heart here Kaspbrak!”

Part of him was terrified Eddie was running away from him, was leaving him alone on the bridge. But as Eddie paced slowly downward, he let out a proud ‘aha!’ before motioning for Richie to get closer.

Closer he got, squinting to see what the flashlight was pointed at. A smaller carving, deeper but more choppy, as if done quickly sat beneath several hearts and a few dick carvings.  _ (“Those are  _ not  _ anatomically proportional.”)  _

E + R

“I...carved it the summer after we defeated Pennywise. Before the new school year. I- I thought we were gonna die to that clown Rich. Or, like when Ben told us how it goes dormant and people forget that we’d- that  _ I’d  _ forget. And Jesus Richie I must have passed your carving a hundred times, and everytime I did I had hoped you made it about  _ me  _ but I never brought it up. I never thought you did so I- I had to do my own thing? You know?”

Standing up from where he was crouched he grinned shyly up at Richie. “So...yeah.”

“You’re shitting me. You’re actually shitting me Edward.”

“I- no?” His voice went back to nervous, and without hesitating Richie shot forward, pulling the shorter boy in for a hug.

“My  _ God  _ Eds we’re both dumbasses.”

Eddie laughed, a full, heart filled laugh that made Richie’s insides tighten and his heart flutter. God he loved that laugh. Pulling back he looked down at Eddie, stars in his eyes, a smile on his face. “God if I knew I would be a good kisser under the influence I’d so kiss you right now.”

Eddie snorted, “You say that as if you’re a good kisser sober.”

Richie knocked his forehead softly against Eddie’s, “Guess that’s something I’m gonna have to prove huh?”

Eddie nodded slightly, looking up at Richie like he hung the moon only for him, and in Richie’s world, he did, “Gonna have to make up for all of not being able to do it in high school too, dumbass.”

The nickname caused Richie to chuckle, “Wow, already endearing nicknames. Ben and Bev are quaking.” 

The feeling that Eddie has caused Richie since they were kids was a mixture of things. Annoyance, yes. He was almost always annoyed with Eddie growing up. Eddie was always so afraid and worried, he put himself down when he couldn’t see him like Richie did- braver than he thinks, stronger and smarter. Eddie annoyed Richie because he didn’t see how amazing he was. Richie also thought Eddie was amazing, cause he was. So amazing. When he stood up for himself and others it was a sight to see, something that took Richie’s breath away.

Love. That was the other thing. That was the thing Richie had felt like hiding since he learned, and now? Now he didn’t have to. Well, not to Eddie, not to the others (probably). Not anymore, at least. 


	2. 5 + 1: Eddie's Edition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The five times Richie made Eddie feel something and the one time they both confessed.
> 
> So part one is the moments Richie realized Eddie made his heart pound, now this is Eddie's story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep staying up till like 1 am to write these.  
Someone take my laptop from me.

**[ One / Age: 6, First Grade ]**

The quartet of boys hadn’t been friends long, maybe a year at this point. A year or not, the four had grown ever so close. Each boy brought something new to the table, and their personalities all fit together quite well. They got lucky with this new year- all four being put in the same first grade class, unlike being seperate during kindergarten. 

The four were currently at recess, seated under the slide in the shade. It wasn’t a hot day, not even a warm one, but the sun was bright and the boys wanted to sit and laze around. Eddie’s mom had bundled him up as if it was winter, whereas the others were merely wearing jeans, a t-shirt and a jacket or sweatshirt. 

It was late October, and the class had been given a small project to do, and their teacher made the mistake of allowing the students to pick their own groups. Naturally the four boys ran to each other, and started “discussing” what they could do. Well, Stan and Eddie did, but Richie was able to distract and mess around with Bill.

When recess came they all dropped it to play- all but Eddie.

“Well what if we wrote a book!”

“I do-don’t know how to wri-write a book E-Eddie.”

“C’mon Eddie!” Richie whined, “We’re  _ supposed  _ to be having fun right now!”

Eddie glared lightly, “But we gotta get a good grade!”

“Eddie the project isn’t due until December!”

That caused a pout, and Eddie sulked some. “Just wanted to start now...Mommy says sooner than later.”

Stan pat Eddie on the head, “What if we did it this weekend?”

Richie rolled onto his back, and Bill just nodded. Eddie shifted where he sat, tugging on the collar of his jacket. He felt like he was suffocating in this jacket, wishing he was just wearing a sweater like Bill or Richie’s. He wasn’t getting sick- least he doesn’t think so.

His thoughts were interrupted by a tickling feeling in his nose, and the face he made must have been funny because Richie asked if he was alright. Without being able to answer him, Eddie let out a sneeze, trying to hold it in.

The other three quieted their conversation as Eddie sneezed two more times, rubbing his nose roughly as his eyes watered some. Uh oh.

“Bless you,”

Eddie nodded, scrunching up his face. “I think I’m getting sick.”

“Gah!” Richie’s outburst startled them, and next thing Eddie knew he had fingers pinching his cheeks, squeezing and pulling on them.

“Ah! Richie!”

“Cute, cute, cute!” Richie coo’ed, pulling Eddie into a hug.

Eddie hates being touched- he doesn’t even like it when his mom has to touch him. He had been fearful of catching germs from others after his mom drilled it in his head, it took him a while to allow Bill to playfully touch him or hold his hand.

Yet here he was, half heartedly fighting Richie off as his cheeks got pinched like grandma’s did on TV, halfway in Richie’s lap. If anyone else had been doing this Eddie would have probably started screaming in fear of getting sick- would have flailed and kicked his way out of the hold. But with Richie he didn’t mind that much.

Which was…

Weird.

He didn’t mind Richie’s hands near his face, near his  _ mouth  _ and  _ eyes  _ dear God. Eddie batted his hands away, rubbing his face as his cheeks were sore.  _ “Richie!”  _

He just got a grin in response, “You sneeze like a baby!”

Eddie let out an offended noise, “I do  _ not!”  _

Richie stuck his tongue out and Eddie sat up, hands still on his cheeks. Richie was rough- which wasn’t something he was fully used to. His mom treated him like, he  _ was  _ a baby. Like he was going to hurt himself very easily, and sometimes Stan and Bill did. He blames it on being shorter than the others too. But Richie didn’t care. He was crude and invited Eddie to play sports or try to ride his skateboard and without a helmet.

And that notion didn’t scare Eddie. If Bill invited him to bike down the road Eddie nearly had a heart attack thinking about the idea of getting hit by a car, but whenever Richie did Eddie was eager to go.

Lowering his hands from his cheeks he noticed they still felt hot. His stomach also felt weird and swirly. Laying the back of his hand on his forehead he could only conclude one thing.

He was definitely getting sick. No other way he could be feeling like this. Like his heart was gonna burst, his hands were sweaty.

Whatever he got he was going to blame Richie.

**[ Two / Age: 10, Fourth Grade ]**

Lunch time was one of the best times of the day. Well, for some. For Eddie it was a cruel reminder that his mom was too quick to set Eddie on stupid diets for his ‘health’. This month? Grapefruit.

He didn’t even like grapefruit, but he didn’t like feeling so hungry more than that.

So he sat sadly, opening his plain, boring lunchbox, staring at his food. 

Richie set his stupid “Fonzo” lunchbox down with a loud noise, and Eddie jumped. “What the hell is  _ that  _ Eds?”

Bill and Stan joined them, Stan’s paper bag crumbled some, Bill’s multicolored one sat down, quieter than Richie.

“My...mom started me on a new diet.”

“A diet?” Richie unlocked his box, “You’re  _ ten  _ why the hell are you on a diet?”

“It’s supposed to keep me healthy and at a normal weight, I don’t know!”

Richie didn’t respond, just rolled his eyes and unwrapping his sandwich. Eddie couldn’t help but compare their lunches. His mom was on the fifth diet of the year. For him, that is. Each month changes, and this month was the ‘grapefruit’ diet. A small salad with blue cheese dressing (the grossest type), some grilled chicken that didn’t look like it had ever seen seasoning, half a grapefruit with a spoon, and a small container of grapefruit juice. Eddie  _ hated  _ grapefruit, it was so bitter and gross. It looked like an orange on the outside, but the inside was just made up of lies and bitterness.

Eddie gave in, picking up his fork and stabbing sadly at the lettuce, it fell limp the moment he picked his fork up. Fun.

“That looks gross,” Richie’s mouth was full, crumbs falling as he spoke.

“Shut up.” No fire behind his word, Eddie took a bite, grimacing at the chunks of cheese.

Who thought blue cheese was tasty? He wanted to have some  _ words  _ with that person.

Richie poked his arm, but Eddie ignored him, setting his fork back down. Another poke or two and he turned, ready to snap when-

He was holding his hand out, half of his sandwich, head tilted some. Eddie looked from the food back to Richie, before cautiously taking it. “Did you drop this? Richie I don’t want your food if it’s been all over the floor.”

Richie scoffed, “No dumbass, I don’t need you passing out at recess again.”

Eddie pouted, “That was one time.”

Stan rolled his eyes, taking a bite from his sandwich. “One time too many Eddie.”

Bill nodded in agreement, “Th-That was scary.”

Rolling his eyes, he shut his lunchbox, pushing away the stupid diet food and taking a bite of the half of sandwich. Peanut butter and strawberry jelly- hey that’s his favorite! He thought for a moment, chewing slowly. Richie prefers grape jelly, telling stories on how he had to switch out the jams whenever his mom tried buying anything other than grape. Why did they have strawberry then?

Whatever the reason, Eddie benefited from it. Happily chewing he swung his legs lightly. Richie slid his bag of chips between the two, popping a few into his mouth. Eddie decided not to question it this time, instead reaching his hand in slowly to grab a few chips. Stan and Bill side glanced to each other, deciding not to say anything.

“Here,” The last item was roughly shoved at him, into his hand, and the cold feeling startled him. Glancing down he saw that Richie had given him his chocolate milk, a straw attached.

“Uhh- “

“Just take it Eduardo.” Not taking another word he turned forward, snatching Stan’s juicebox from his bag.

_ “Richie!”  _

The two started bickering, and Eddie watched, slightly baffled as Richie stabbed the straw in aggressively, taking large gulps of the juice and flicking Stan off. Bill choked on his food at that, and Stan looked horrified. “Ri-Richie!”

Smiling slightly, Eddie opened the drink, taking a few small sips. Richie was a jerk sometimes, but sometimes he was nice...At least to  _ Eddie  _ he was.

**[ Three / Age: 11, Summer between 4th and 5th Grade ]**

The four boys had basically become inseparable. They had done everything and anything they could together- they hung out during recess, sat with each other on field trips, shared comic books (they no longer bothered buying more than one copy of them, they would end up swapping them anyway), saw movies together.

Sorry.

Snuck into movies together.

Yeah, that seemed more accurate.

Eddie and Stan, naturally, were not up to it. They had  _ one  _ movie theatre in their small town, and if they got caught sneaking in they would be banned. Banned!  _ (“I-I’m telling you man! These workers will see us and they’ll just know! We have that look about us!” “What  _ look  _ dude?” “We just look like trouble makers! Plus! Plus! They’ll see us and see that there are more people in the theatre than tickets were sold!” “I do-doubt they keep co-count of that.” “Yeah man! Besides I doubt those workers get paid enough to actually  _ care.” _ )  _

Stan was easier to convince, Bill just promised him that if they got caught they’d blame Richie.  _ (“Hey!”)  _ Eddie was not easy to convince. He was stuck on the idea that if they weren’t caught  _ actively  _ sneaking in, that someone in the theatre would rat them out and the group would be banned and the information would get back to his mom and “movie theatres have so much gross things like chewed gum and pee and the ground is always so sticky and I’m not supposed to be drinking soda because it’s bad for me Richie!”

So it still baffles Bill and Stan with all four of them, seated towards the back of the movie theatre, seeing some new horror movie that had come out. The order was Richie, Eddie, Bill, then Stan. Stan  _ refused  _ to sit next to Richie watching a horror movie.

_ “He likes to grab my shoulders or poke me during a jump scare.” _

_ “So you make  _ me  _ sit next to him?!” _

_ “Aw c’mon Eddie my love! You enjoy sitting with me!” _

_ “If you so much as  _ touch  _ me trashmouth I’m shoving my inhaler up your ass!” _

_ “Gu-Guys the movies sta-starting.”  _

Eddie wasn’t even paying attention. He didn’t want to be! He was terrified. All the jump scares had made him tense, legs brought up to his chest and feet on the seat. Bill and Stan had jumped every so often, but they managed to laugh it off, poking at each other as they did so. Richie had jumped less than them- and Eddie wasn’t sure if it was just harder to scare Richie or if Richie was just better at hiding his fear than the others.

Regardless, Eddie wanted to leave. Just pack up and go home. He couldn’t do this. He felt like he was going to have an asthma attack any minute. And regardless of his threat to Richie, he had someone forgotten his inhaler at home. So if he didn’t die from lack of breathing he was going to die by his mother’s scolding. He could see his tombstone now.

_ Eddie Kaspbrak, age 11, died because he’s stupid _

A loud scream from the screen caused him to jump back, grabbing at the armrests in fear. Richie, however, had decided to have  _ his  _ arm on the rest. So his right hand instead of grabbing the chair, grabbed Richie’s arm. In a moment of panic upon feeling the heat under his own hand he yanked it back, wrapping his arms around his legs. He was worried Richie would say something- tease him or call him a sissy.

Eddie knows he’s being dramatic! But he just doesn’t like scary movies. He really,  _ really  _ doesn’t. The jump scares made his heart race like crazy, his palms were all sweaty and he’s sure if his legs were on the ground they’d be shaking like crazy. He was prepared for a sharp poke to the ribs or pushing on the shoulder, was ready to have Richie whisper something like “you’re scared, really?” “aww you need a hand to hold Eds?” “aw wittle Eddie bear!”

He was tense and more ready for that than anything. What he wasn’t prepared for was Richie’s arm awkwardly going over his shoulders, making him lean slightly to the right. No words were spoken but Eddie slowly felt himself destress, his body less tense as the movie went on, slowly, way too slowly for his liking. The next few jump scares caused him to startle, shrink back into his seat more, and in turn, into Richie’s arm more. But his feet ended up settling on the floor- well off his chair, his feet didn’t touch the floor. 

The movie finally ended, and as the credits rolled around the four sunk lower in their seats, acting casual as most of the people exited the theatre. 

“We-Were you guys sc-scared?”

Stan rolled his eyes, “I  _ jumped  _ but I wasn’t scared.” 

Eddie glanced between Richie and Bill, heart still hammering from the movie. He’s sure he’s going to have nightmares but he didn’t want to admit it.

“I uh- “

“Well I thought that movie was  _ shit!  _ The blood looked way too fake to be convincing!” Richie butt in, arm moving from around Eddie to lean over him, speaking to the group, “The  _ only  _ saving grace was seeing that one girl in her bra! Jeez,” Richie rolled his eyes, flopping back into his chair, “Can’t believe people paid to see this movie.”

“We-Well we weren’t fo-four o-of those people, R-Rich.”

“Touche.” 

Eddie felt himself relax more, heart still quicker than it should be. The four trailed out, sticking close to the walls as they exited the theatre. The sun was setting in the sky and Richie stretched. “Ugh, that movie was such shit.”

“Wi-Wish we had st-stole s-some popcorn. ‘M h-hungry.”

“Bill!” Stan laughed, hitting his arm softly.

Eddie chuckled, hands fiddling with his fanny pack. Richie noticed.

“What? You need your air stick?”

That caused him to glare some, “ _ Inhaler  _ Richie, and  _ no  _ I...forgot it at home.”

Bill and Stan instantly looked more worried than before, but he waved them off. “I’m fine, it doesn’t matter that much.”

Richie just rolled his eyes, turning his backpack around and searching through it. “Rich? What are you- “

“Aha!” With triumph he held up his token as if it were a gift given to him in a video game, in his hand was a gray inhaler. 

Eddie recognized that, that was the inhaler he thought he had lost a few months ago. His mom had chewed him out and kept him home and in his room for the whole week it took for her to order one and bring it home. 

Without a word, but a smirk on his face- mixed of happiness and smugness, he handed it to Eddie, well shoved it into his hands. “Here ya go Eds! Now you won’t die on us!”

“Why did you have his inhaler?”

“Why  _ didn’t  _ you have his inhaler Stanley?”

“What does that even mean?”

“Your mom knows!”

“What does  _ that  _ even mean?!”

Eddie didn’t really need the inhaler, his heart wasn’t beating too fast anymore, his breath was calming down. He watched as Richie gave Stan a noogie, pulling on his ears and Stan fighting back as much as he could. With a small smile, and a warm feeling in his chest (he’d just learn to accept Richie made him feel weird in his chest, and he still partly blamed it on Richie giving him a cold, but he knew well enough) he put the inhaler back into his fanny pack. 

Eddie holding onto both was something that didn’t happen often. Always leaving one or both at home, or misplacing one one week, and the other a different week. So it became normal to Eddie and the others for Richie to have one of them on him, to be able to whip it out when Eddie was having a problem with his breath and couldn’t find his inhaler or get it out quick enough.

The knowing fact that Richie held onto something that Eddie needed and that was important to his survival, well it made Eddie lose his breath in a different way. A way that his first reaction was to pull out the inhaler, but holding it in his hand he had no need to actually  _ use  _ it. He’d hold it and stare at it, heart quick and breath fast paced, but ultimately he put it back in his fanny pack.

Richie made him lose his breath but somehow it wasn’t in a bad way. 

Eddie had no idea what that meant, but somehow, he didn’t hate it.

**[ Four / Age: 13, right after they defeat Pennywise, August of 1989 ]**

If you had told Eddie a few summers ago that he would be apart of something bigger than his little group of four he’d laugh and call you a liar. But now? Now he was walking away from his group- his  _ friends.  _ His own loser’s club. Richie was walking with him, rattling on about plans for school and how this class’ “What Did You Do This Summer” was going to get the weirdest answer from him and he would  _ probably  _ get in trouble but who cares?

Eddie couldn’t bring himself to make jokes back, he was walking, cradling his casted arm to his chest. Eyes staring ahead but not really seeing anything.

Pennywise.

They defeated him. He was dead, he was gone. Neibolt house had caved in, was now a destroyed section of the neighborhood. Georgie was still dead, all those other kids were still dead, Henry had been arrested, whatever plan Pennywise had for him long destroyed. No more children would be lured by the clown and eaten every 27 years, the group didn’t have to check behind them every few seconds, afraid their greatest fear was following them.

Eddie looked behind him without thinking, eyes searching for a figure he knows he would never see again.

He shivered, he could still feel the leper’s hands on his face. He could still feel Pennywise’s claw stroking his cheek, see those teeth getting closer and closer to his face before- 

“Eddie!” 

He jumped, eyes wide and arms ready to fight. Richie was standing in front of him, adjusting his glasses, a worried look on his face. Eddie swallowed, breath labored as he gripped at his fanny pack. “I- I’m fine.”

Richie didn’t say anything, closing his mouth as he studied Eddie. He was shaking some, that much he could feel, and he’s sure he looked awful. He was covered in gunk and blood and piss and shit from the sewers. He probably had a million splinters from all the wood in the water and he smelled awful.

His mom really was going to kill him. 

Richie didn’t say anything as the two continued to walk, the quietness was unnerving. Slowly, Richie began to talk again, hands gripping the handle bars of his bike a bit tighter than before, while Eddie’s grip was loose, slack, almost  _ weak.  _

_ “Aw little Eddie bear! So  _ weak  _ and afraid! Almost let his friends  _ die _ !”  _

Shutting his eyes, he shook his head. “M not weak.”

“I don’t know who told you that Eds but you definitely aren’t.” Eddie hadn’t meant for Richie to hear him, but the response made him more grounded. 

“Yeah well,” For once he had no snarky come back to Richie’s words, “Whatever…”

“No I’m serious Eddie.” Richie rolled his bike in front of him, stopping the two where they stood, “You’re  _ not  _ weak. None of us are, really. We just defeated some God-like demonic, ugly ass clown. You stood up to your mom to come back to the group!”

Eddie snorted, “I stood up to her and have to go right back.”

“Well you are thirteen and live with her, so.” He was right but he didn’t have to  _ say  _ it like that, “But, seriously, Eddie,” The soft look in his eyes made Eddie reel back, not used to being on that end of the look _ (he may not be used to it, but God is he always on the end of that look),  _ “You’re so much stronger than you think. You really, really are. You helped kill a clown before your fourteenth birthday, you stood up to Bowers and company, you stood up to your mom, you had your fucking arm broken! And yet here we stand!” Richie put his arms out for emphasis, “Alive and kicking! And with no more killer clown to fight, no more leper to have to worry about. Just regular people concerns.” 

Eddie chuckled, scratching at his face, “Regular people concerns...yeah.”

Richie nodded, jokingly patting Richie on the cheek, hand awkwardly lingering in the air before falling to his side. “Now c’mon- my parents are probably out right now- we can shower at mine before you go home- that way your mom doesn’t like...I dunno murder you.”

The walk back was filled with banter between the two, Richie shifting how he held his bike so the two were walking side by side. The warmth coming from Richie made him feel more secure, it was a reminder that he was  _ there  _ and Eddie wasn’t alone. It was a feeling he was going to grow more accustomed to, the two were already inseparable, but now they were practically glued at the hips. Not that either would complain, that is.

**[ Five / Age: 16, Junior Year ]**

Eddie, Ben, and Mike were the three guys out of the group actually  _ excited  _ for prom. Mike because it was offering some type of “high school normalcy outside of killing clowns and sheep and being homeschooled” (his words), Ben because he and Bev had finally talked about their crushes on each other and were able to go together (Bev had asked Ben with a very detailed poster with so many movie, song, and band references even Richie felt overwhelmed), and Eddie was excited because it was a whole day away from home.

Or it was supposed to be. When he finally semi convinced the whole group (i.e. Richie) to go they had a plan. They’d all get ready at Bill’s house (he had the largest house), then they would grab dinner together, head to the dance, leave early and have another weekly sleepover. 

But then Richie got a date.

A date that was  _ not  _ one of the losers.

A date that was one of  _ the  _ most popular girls in their school.

Amber fucking Constella.

Eddie knew her, they had AP Government together, and she was one of the only people in class who could and willingly kept up with Eddie in debates (he liked her, she was smart and actually had facts in class).

He just didn’t like that she was Richie’s date.

He didn’t know  _ why.  _ He did . 

So losers prom went down the drain. Richie couldn’t grab dinner with them because he had to meet with her outside of the dance earlier than the others. She was on decorating team so she needed to be there to ensure it was all put together properly, and Richie was a gentleman.  It was also because they needed to piss her parents off upon seeing them together but the group didn’t  _ fully  _ know that.

So when the group finally entered together, all dashing and Bev beautiful as ever, Eddie caught sight of Richie almost instantly. 

The tall asshole (seriously- he was like 6’3 now while Eddie was still stuck at 5’7) was wearing a whole  _ suit  _ and a tie that matched Amber’s dress. She looked amazing- she really did, her dress was pink and sparkly, the same dress he had seen on the front of his mom’s fashion magazines she would show him pictures of “pretty girls that would love him”.

She looked like she was worth a million bucks, and Richie looked priceless next to her. Bev elbowed Eddie, causing him to startle.

“Quit gawking at him,” She teased, “Just go say hi.”

Eddie glared at her, “I’m not as much an asshole as he is, I’m not going to interrupt their date.”

Bev raised an eyebrow at Eddie’s tone but didn’t comment. Arms crossed awkwardly, Eddie turned his head, seeing the snacks and punch table. “I’m gonna grab a drink- you want anything?”

“A cup of punch sure.”

He nodded.

“Ooo can you- “

“I asked the lady.” Eddie shoved Bill away, playfully and without malice.

Bill rolled his eyes, “Okay, damn.”

Laughing Eddie made his way to the table. He felt better with his friends banter, though part of him was missing Richie’s jokes, and his stupid voice and puns. Damn Tozier and his- 

“Well well well!” Eddie froze, two cups in hand, speak of the devil…

“And here I thought the only day I’d see Eddie bear in a suit would be on our wedding day!” Richie clutched his chest, “You look  _ dashing  _ my love!”

Eddie rolled his eyes, face dropping into a sour expression. “Can’t say the same to you.”

“Oh you wound me,” He rolled his eyes, “Oh is this for me? Thank you hu- “ He reached for one of the cups and Eddie pulled them back, careful not to spill any on him.

“That’s for Bev and I.”

“Shouldn’t Benny boy get his lovely lady a drink?”

“I was being nice.” 

“Nice and Eddie? Not two words I hear together often.”

Eddie snorted, “I’m always nice asshole- just not to  _ you. _ ”

“...touche.” Richie adjusted his glasses, “Look, uh, do you think that- “

“Richie!” Amber made her way over, smile on her face as she left her group of friends.

Any bitterness that had left had come back, Amber and her stupidly pretty dress and face and hair made her way over. Eddie felt bad for being so mad, Amber was genuinely a really nice and sweet girl. He was just,  jealous bitter.

“Oh hi Eddie!”

“Hey Amber, you look lovely.”

“Aw thank you! Oh! Look at the corsage Richie got me!”

She held her wrist forward, and sure enough, a pink rose corsage sat here, with fake jewels intertwined with it. “Looks amazing!”

Richie was pink by now, and Eddie wanted to puke. “Well to be fair mom bought it last minute.”

“It was still so sweet!” By then Eddie noticed all the other couples had paired off, and were slow dancing to some sappy love song.

Eddie felt his heart drop, but he grinned at Amber. “I’ll leave you two alone.”

He didn’t wait for an answer, made a b-line to Mike, Stan, and Bill. Ben and Bev had gone to dance so he was now awkwardly holding two drinks. He gave the extra one to Bill, with a look on his face that clearly read he didn’t want to talk. 

That didn’t last long.

A few seconds passed before Mike spoke up, “You okay there Eddie?”

“I’m fucking fine!”

“Okay.” Mike sucked a breath in through his lips.

“I- sorry. I don’t know,” Eddie ran a hand through his hair, “Dances aren’t my favorite thing.”

“Yeah,” Stan spoke up, “He hasn’t been to one since eighth grade formal.”

“And I hated that.”

“N-Not fully.”

He side glared at Bill. “Not  _ fully,  _ sure.”

Ben and Bev had circled their way near them, and Ben twirled her, letting go of her hands as she purposefully twirled right into Mike’s arms. “Hello boys!”

“Hey Bev.”

“Nice moves.”

“Hi Bev.”

She stood up, hand out as Ben stood next to her, taking her hand into his. God why did they have to be so cute together?

Beverly heard Eddie’s sigh, tilting her head. “You okay Eddie?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?! I’m perfectly fine!” He crumpled the now empty cup, throwing it into the trash can, surprising himself when it didn’t fall to the floor.

Instead of backing down like Mike had she gave him a look, a ‘we’ll talk later’ look and he sighed, nodding ever so slightly. 

“Sup fuckers!” Richie all but threw himself at the group, arms wrapped around Bev and Bill’s shoulders, pulling her away from Ben some who just laughed at the three.

Bill laughed some, not bothering to fight against Richie, while Bev swatted at the taller of the three, though laughter was there. Mike snorted some, and Eddie caught the end of an eye roll.

“Looks like you and Amber were getting close.”

Richie sunk lower on Bill, forcing him to bend under the weight some, “Oh that? Yeah, all the ladies love Tozier.”

“All? Find that hard to believe.”

Eddie didn’t. Since hitting puberty and gaining height (and a fashion sense) Richie had become oblivious to all the attention he now received. He was a tall, curly haired dork who still went to the arcade every weekend. Apparently some girls find that the perfect combination. Not like they liked Richie because they  _ knew  _ him like Eddie did.

Well like, like the  _ whole  _ group did.

Eddie let out a bitter laugh, tongue against his cheek as he looked to the left, eyes scanning the dancing crowd.

“You alright Eddie spaghetti?”

Next person to ask that was going to die.

“Hmm?” He looked at Richie, staring into his stupidly dark eyes, the lights overhead twinkling off of his glasses, “Yeah. ‘M fine.”

Richie studied him and Eddie was ready to vomit butterflies. God why couldn’t Richie have just...Eddie couldn’t even finish that thought. Just what? Just not what? Who fucking knows! Richie just needed to stop...everything that made Eddie feel like fighting someone out of emotion. Or grabbing Richie’s hand and kissing him.

“You seem...flustered.”

“I’m  _ fine,  _ Rich.” He hardly ever used  _ that  _ nickname, but whenever he did Richie knew to back off, and right now he  _ needed  _ him to or else Eddie would crack. Be if bursting into tears, a string of curses, or confessions.

He couldn’t stand this. Richie went back to talking with the others, and Eddie felt Bev stand next to him, allowing himself to lean against her some. All those cheesy TV shows and movies were  _ right.  _ Your crush having a crush on someone else  _ sucked. _

**[ + 1 / Age: 18, Senior Year ]**

Eddie doesn’t really know how they got here. In, more ways than one. 

One in the sense of graduation was way too close to process, and he was sitting on a closed playground drinking beers with his friends. He was buzzed now, zoning out hard as his friends bickered around him. He felt warm, and he wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or just feeling happy from being here.

He was rudely brought back to reality from Richie falling into his lap, a whine of, “Edward Stannie’s bullying me!” as he cuddled into Eddie.

Chuckling Eddie replied, “Maybe he wouldn’t bully you if you didn’t give us all stupid nicknames.”

Richie shot up so fast Eddie was almost knocked out with a headbutt. Holy shit Richie was lucky Eddie loved him, glaring softly at the other. “I am! Wounded! Eddie Spaghetti! My nicknames are a  _ delight _ !”

Bev rolled her eyes and laughed from her seat, “Sure Richie. Sure.”

“No one appreciates me. I could find new friends.”

The idea of any of them finding a newer, better friend group in college  _ terrified  _ Eddie, but what terrified him more was the idea that this unspoken feeling he had in his chest with Richie would continue. But Richie would never know, Richie would never know and find someone cute in college to hook up with. Not that Eddie could or would stop him, he doesn’t control Richie.

“You  _ could,  _ but you won’t.” Bill spoke what Eddie was hoping for.

Richie, nodding slowly, laid back down on Eddie’s lap, “Yeah, you’re right.”

This just felt so right. Richie’s head on Eddie, Eddie’s fingers carding through Richie’s hair in a comforting motion. The seven of them were so relaxed, and Eddie tilted his head back, eyes shutting slightly. He wishes this was a moment they could stay in for a bit. A moment he would remember, a happy place he’d go to whenever he got stuck in his head.

“What are you kids doing here?!” Good feelings gone, eyes snapping open the seven looked to where the voice had come from.

A police officer- Officer Andy if he recalled- was standing there, flashlight in hand. Shit, his mom knew him.

“Shit.”

The next few moments went by in a blur. Eddie was not drunk, no, but he was a lightweight. So a beer and a half over the course of almost two hours had him quite buzzed, brain fuzzy not fully aware of...anything. All he could fully process was the shattering of a glass, someone yelling “scatter!” and a hand grabbing his own, and now he was running.

Running behind someone, running behind Richie. Richie’s hand was in his own. His feet were hitting the pavement harshly, and he stumbled a few times, but Richie would tug him forward every time, not allowing him to fall. By the time Richie slowed down the two were breathless, panting harshly.

“You still got your light?”

Eddie reached in his fanny pack (yes he still brought it with him whenever the seven hung out on weekends, sue him) and grabbed his mini light, shining it into Richie’s face. No one said he was smart. “Never come here without it.”

“Guess your fanny packs good for  _ something.”  _

Asshole. His fanny pack did  _ a lot  _ of things. Held his keys, his inhaler (one of them), held his flashlight that was clearly  _ needed  _ here. 

“ _ Excuse  _ me dickhead my fanny pack is every useful! I recall several times when you would do dumbass stunts and bust your ass and  _ I  _ was the one who had first aid supplies on me! In said fanny pack! Without my fanny pack I’m sure we’d all be fucking dead. My  _ fanny pack  _ is the real hero here! A member of the losers club. Where would my flashlight be without it? My inhaler? Sure you have  _ one  _ of mine but if you’re not with me and I need it I’m fucked! And- “

“Do you…” He interrupted, stopping from where Eddie was watching him study the wood on the bridge, holy shit when did they get to the bridge? “Remember that month in summer,  _ that  _ summer, where none of us hung out?”

Eddie tilted his head, he didn’t like to think of that month often. His mom genuinely kept him locked in the house. He was surprised he wasn’t chained to his bed, but he was only but  _ so  _ lucky. “Course I do. It sucked.”

Richie laughed at his response, “Yeah, yeah it did.” He didn’t look away from the railings, “That summer, that  _ month _ , I uh, realized something.” Eddie was growing nervous, “Uh I spent most of that month at the arcade, beat all of my high scores and shit, probably got sick from the sodas.”

“I keep telling you you need to drink more water.” Honestly Eddie fears without him Richie would die from kidney stones or some shit.

“And well, one day I ended up playing against this guy. I don’t...I don’t remember his name, all I remember is seeing him and thinking that-” Richie took a shuddering breath, “He was cute. And of course, of fucking course he was Bower’s little cousin. I just asked him if he wanted to play some more, I had more tokens so I offered for that round to be on me. Bowers and his fucking goons came in though, and his cousin started flipping shit. They started...Uh, called me a fairy, a uh, a faggot.”

Eddie felt his chest tighten, eyes stinging some. “Richie…”

“I ran, like a fucking pussy man. I ran. And I, I ended up here. Cause, funny enough, a few days, weeks? Who knows. Anyway, before that I had  _ realized  _ something, something, that, well it’s why I ended up, well not  _ really  _ why I ended up here, but it’s what I did what I did and- “

“Richie,” He knew that if Richie kept going he’d talk himself in a circle and hyperventilate, and Eddie was on his toes by now, wanting to comfort Richie but wanting him to continue, so he softly laid his hand on Richie’s shoulder, showing him he was  _ there,  _ “Just...tell me?”

Richie nodded, curls flying around. He pointed his finger, body stiff. Eddie followed with his flashlight and felt himself choke up, chest tight.

R + E

Oh God. Oh my actual God. Eddie was tearing up, and he wasn’t entirely sure why.

“I uh, yeah. I had... _ have  _ a crush on the dumbest guy.” This was becoming a rude confession now Jesus, “Well he’s not dumb, but he  _ is.” _

Eddie felt his brain going into overdrive. R + E. Richie + Eddie. Eddie. He’s Eddie, that’s Richie.

“He’s so damn snarky and sarcastic, and a fucking hypocondriac. I- and he’s going to college next year, and won’t tell me where so I thought ‘hey tell him!’ because I never claimed to make smart decisions,” Turning quickly Eddie made his way down the bridge, eyes scanning a mile per second, “Where are you going? I’m pouring my heart out here Kaspbrak!”

Finding what he was searching for- something he tried to hide from anyone in fear of rejection, he let out a triumphant noise. Waving his hand, he got Richie closer. Pointing the light down, Richie gave him a suspicious look before turning his head, eyes squinting. 

E + R

“I...carved it the summer after we defeated Pennywise.” Eddie hadn’t told  _ anyone,  _ and he meant  _ anyone,  _ so saying this out loud, well, “Before the new school year. I- I thought we were gonna die to that clown Rich. Or, like when Ben told us how it goes dormant and people forget that we’d- that  _ I’d  _ forget. And Jesus Richie I must have passed your carving a hundred times, and everytime I did I had hoped you made it about  _ me  _ but I never brought it up. I never thought you did so I- I had to do my own thing? You know?”

It felt so freeing to say now. Eddie felt like he could  _ breath. _

He stood up, grinning up at Richie. “So...yeah.” He laughed, a broken sound.

“You’re shitting me. You’re actually shitting me Edward.”

That was not the response he was expecting, and he was now terrified this was all a prank. A crude, ‘bye bye to college!’ prank.

“I- no?” And without so much as a warning Richie jumped forward, pulling Eddie in for a bone crushing hug.

The weight and the pure  _ emotion  _ of being in Richie’s arms nearly drove him to tears. 

“My  _ God  _ Eds we’re both dumbasses.”

Eddie laughed at that, all fear and anxiety leaving with the sound, a wet, happy, broken, and relieved laugh. Pulling back to two studied each other for a moment before Richie continued, “God if I knew I would be a good kisser under the influence I’d so kiss you right now.”

God that sounded amazing Richie what the fuck.

Eddie laughed, “You say that as if you’re a good kisser sober.”

Forehead against forehead, Eddie breathed softer now, eyes shutting at how safe and comfortable he felt there. The dark around them wasn’t closing in but holding them, “Guess that’s something I’m gonna have to prove huh?”

Smooth. Nodding his head some, as to not out right headbutt Richie, he looked up, the slight moonlight illuminating Richie’s face, his eyes...everything that had annoyed Eddie as kids that he realized he  _ loved,  _ “Gonna have to make up for all of not being able to do it in high school too, dumbass.”

The grin that broke out on his face was worth all of Eddie’s thoughts of ‘that’s what you came up with?’ “Wow, already endearing nicknames. Ben and Bev are quaking.”

Eddie couldn’t help the soft laughter that came out. Richie was an  _ annoying  _ asshole but he was an annoying asshole with one of the largest hearts ever. He was someone that’s been by Eddie’s side since they met as kids. Since he had started the stupid habbit of pinching Eddie’s face and calling him so “cute, cute, cute!” A habit that didn’t stop once they started officially dating, and it didn’t increase. Richie and Eddie were basically already dating.

But the hand holding, the soft gazes that when caught they didn’t quickly turn from, the kisses and careless whispers, the late night summer drives in Richie’s truck with music too loud for three in the morning. All the things they had been afraid of, their mind clouding their ideas with fear of rejection. The warmth of it all now was worth the wait, worth the pining.

They loved each other. It was as simple as that. And they had since they were kids. The meaning behind the word had changed, but the strength of it didn’t. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IG: @aj.coses.that  
Tumblr: los-v-ers-club


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